haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
