bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
