When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
