we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
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