I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
