He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
