I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
