she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
