I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Barsexuality is the new black.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
