I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
