You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
