he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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