My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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