Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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