I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
