my being single is dangerous.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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