I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
