I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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