My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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