You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
