The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
