What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
