If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
