Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
