May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
