THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
