I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
