but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The air was thick with penises
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
