Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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