fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
