Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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