All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
