So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
