conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
