totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
