Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
soo... how was my night?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
