Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
