i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
