I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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