Having a random hookup so left but love u
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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