So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
