so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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