I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
