My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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