Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
