im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i would punch a child for taco bell
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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