woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
