Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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