i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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