Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
